In my professional and private life, I have adopted 3 main ways to praise people:
- Catch people doing something good, and praise them instantly,
- Praise people in front of other people,
- Praise people in their absence
The first one is very effective. It has a tremendous impact on people self-confidence, motivation, and feeling of belonging. Whenever you find someone doing something good, reinforce the action by praising the person in the moment.
The second one is very delicate and need to be used with great mastery and care.
The third one is the most powerful and the most influential on people and has a boomerang effect. Everyone could practice it, at any time, without any limitation. There is no specific skill needed, but your wish to use it.
Most people are used to speak nicely about people only when they in front of them, but in their absence they will gossip and say mostly bad things about them or talk about things they don’t like in these people. It’s very common and it looks like a human trait. Many casual conversations are about pointing, highlighting the disliked things in other people or events.
If you follow this practice you act like the crowd and you won’t stand out to become a people star and a recognized leader.
How to practice the technique of “Praise People in their absence”.
1. To start you need to choose voluntary to abandon the old fashioned way of talking about people in their absence. Instead of pointing, highlighting the disliked things in other people, make it a conscientious choice Stop this practice, and praise people in their absence instead.
2. Systematically try to catch people doing something good. If you can, praise them in the moment. If not record in full detail the event, and spread a praise of the event to the world. Next time, when the name the person will pop up in a conversation, when appropriate, go ahead to tell other people your recorded story and express your personal admiration.
3. Praising in general terms like “he is nice”, “he is hard worker”, “he is smart”, “he is resourceful” still is good, but less effective than praising a person with reference to very specific story, event, achievement, etc. Being specific makes your praise more credible and make the person you are praising stand out effectively like an important and special person.
4. Make it a rule to praise every day at least one or two persons in their absence. it could people from your team, family, friends, etc. If you could Double this number every month during the next 3 months, you’ll be flooded by invitations of people who want to become your friends. You’ll become a People Magnet.
5. When you start the practice of praising people in their absence, Try to do it in front people who are very close to them. Your praise will spread like a wildfire and reach your target in less than 24H.
6. When your target heard of your praise in his absence, he will feel good and things will look for him like you become his private PR agent, telling the whole world how important and special he is.
7. Practice undercover compliment and praise your friends, your colleagues, your kids, your wife, your husband, your investors, your peers in their absence. Never stop to praise them. Make it an active choice of praising continually people in their absence.
8. You may be wondering when will you have again the opportunity to say some disliked things about people, like everyone does? It’s so good to be caustic, to ridicule people in casual conversation. it’s a world wide practice, so how can you stop yourself from practicing it? Won’t you look boring? Maybe looking boring today, is a condition for your full success tomorrow.
Praising and complimenting people in their absence is the Most subtle and the most powerful way to win people over. Start doing it actively and systematically from Today on, You’ll be stroked by the results.
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